＜prologue＞
I started a blog called “The Baby Boomer Generation’s Miscellaneous Blog”（Dankai-sedai no garakutatyou:団塊世代の我楽多（がらくた）帳） in July 2018, about a year before I fully retired. More than six years have passed since then, and the number of articles has increased considerably.
So, in order to make them accessible to people who don’t understand Japanese, I decided to translate my past articles into English and publish them.
It may sound a bit exaggerated, but I would like to make this my life’s work.
It should be noted that haiku and waka （Japanese short fixed form poems） are quite difficult to translate into English, so some parts are written in Japanese.
If you are interested in haiku or waka and would like to know more, please read introductory or specialized books on haiku or waka written in English.
I also write many articles about the Japanese language. I would be happy if these inspire more people to want to learn Japanese.
my blog’s URL:団塊世代の我楽多（がらくた）帳 | 団塊世代が雑学や面白い話を発信しています
my X’s URL:団塊世代の我楽多帳（@historia49）さん / X
The novel coronavirus pneumonia appears to be spreading worldwide, and the reactions and responses of people to this situation vary widely, revealing differences in national character.
Today, we’d like to introduce some amusing “ethnic jokes” that succinctly express ethnic and national characteristics.
1. Ethnic Jokes
An “ethnic joke” is a joke that elicits laughter by succinctly expressing the ethnicity of a particular ethnic group or country.
Since they exaggerate, satirize, or evade national and ethnic characteristics, they can also be considered “black jokes.”
(1) “Sinking Ship Jokes” (“Titanic Jokes”)
There’s a funny joke called the “sinking ship joke” that accurately captures the national character of each country.
When we think of a “luxury cruise ship,” we often think of the Diamond Princess, which recently became the subject of the “COVID-19 pneumonia outbreak.” However, there’s also the Titanic, which sank after striking an iceberg in the North Atlantic Ocean during its maiden voyage in 1912.
To make a “sinking ship joke,” just imagine a luxury cruise ship like the Titanic. However, it’s better to think of the setting as “warm ocean in the daytime” rather than “icy ocean at night.”
A luxury cruise ship carrying people from all over the world is on the verge of sinking. However, there are not enough escape boats compared to the number of passengers. So the captain tries to get the passengers to jump into the sea, but… So, what did the captain say to get everyone to jump?
To Americans: “If you jump in, you’ll be a hero.”
To Russians: “There’s a vodka bottle floating in the sea.”
To Italians: “There’s a beautiful woman swimming in the sea.”
To French people: “Never jump in the sea.”
To British people: “A gentleman would jump in at a time like this.”
To Germans: “It’s the rules, jump in.”
To Chinese people: “Delicious fish are swimming in the sea.”
To Japanese people: “Everyone’s already jumping in.”
To Koreans: “The Japanese have already jumped in.”
To North Koreans: “Now’s your chance to defect.”
To Kansai residents: “The Hanshin Tigers won the championship.”
These jokes were apparently not made by Japanese people, but by foreigners with a deep understanding of each country’s national character. They capture each country’s national character in a humorous and accurate way.
The last joke about Kansai residents appears to have been added later.
This is a bit of a digression, but speaking of “sinking ships,” two incidents come to mind.
One is the “Normanton Incident.” While the British captain and all European crew members survived, all Japanese passengers and Indian crew members were left behind and lost their lives. At the time, residents of nearby Wakayama desperately rescued the drifting crew.
The other is the “Ertuğrul Incident.” Local residents of Wakayama desperately rescued the crew of a Turkish warship that sank off the coast of Wakayama, the same place where the “Normanton Incident” occurred.
(2) A “Train Journey” with Three People: Chinese, American, and Japanese
1. An American threw a lit cigarette out the window after just one puff. The Chinese said, “What a waste!” The American replied, “In America, we have so many cigarettes we throw them away!”
2. A Japanese person threw a camera out the window. The Chinese said, “What a waste!” The Japanese said, “In Japan, we have so many cameras we throw away!”
3. A Chinese person threw out the Chinese person sitting next to them. Americans and Japanese: “What are you doing?” Chinese: “There are so many people in China, we’ll throw them away.”
(3) International Music Competition
The “Germans” and “Japanese” arrive an hour before the start.
The “Jews” arrive 30 minutes before.
The “Anglo-Saxons” appear 10 minutes before.
The “Slavs” arrive right on time.
The “French” slips in five minutes late.
The “Italians” show up 15 minutes late.
The “Spanish” finally show up more than 30 minutes later.
No one knows when the “Portuguese” will arrive.
(4) What if I’m late to an international conference?
Americans: Water down the content to make sure I’m within the allotted time.
British: Speak at their normal pace and stop midway.
French: Speak at their normal pace and don’t stop even if it cuts into the next speaker’s time.
Germans: Speak twice as fast as usual.
Italians: Cut out the usual small talk and stay within the allotted time.
Japanese: Never be late in the first place.
(5) Running
British: Think while walking.
French: Start running after finishing thinking.
Spanish: Think after finishing running.
Germans: Start running when everyone else starts running.
Italians: Run with passion.
Russians: Run for vodka.
Japanese: Run just to run.
(6) If the world were to end tomorrow
Americans: Try to do something about it with military force
British: Think about who to invite for tea tomorrow afternoon
French: Try to turn the end of the world into art
Germans: Try to prevent the end by developing new technology by tomorrow
Italians: Find a woman to share their final bed with
Russians: Be happy that they can drink vodka tomorrow without a hangover
Japanese: Go to work and finish their work by tomorrow
(7) What is needed now during the COVID-19 pandemic?
(Quoted from Takashi Hayasaka’s article “Proposals for Japan to Survive the Post-COVID Era, May 12, 2020,” in Newsweek Japan)
Americans: Courage
Germans: Rules
French: Love
Japanese: Technology
Finally, Russians: Vodka
Everyone asked curiously.
“Does drinking vodka suppress the virus?”
The Russian answered.
“We can’t suppress the virus. But we can suppress anxiety.”
2. What if the leaders of Japan, the United States, and China were put on a lie detector?
This isn’t an “ethnic joke” that describes each country’s national character. It’s a dark joke about what would happen if the leaders of Japan, the United States, and China were put on a lie detector, but it’s hilarious, so I’d like to share it with you.
The lie detectors that President Xi Jinping, Prime Minister Abe, and President Trump were put on are devices that beep when they lie.
First, President Xi Jinping: “I always think. I hope that not only China but the whole world will become prosperous.” Lie detector: “Beep, beep, beep.”
Next, Prime Minister Abe: “I always think. I hope that Japan and North Korea can become good friends.” Lie detector: “Beep, beep, beep.”
Finally, President Trump: “I always think.” Lie detector: “Beep, beep, beep.”
This is a scathing sarcastic remark that while the Japanese and Chinese leaders mean “what they say is not what they really mean,” President Trump doesn’t think at all.
3. The Metaphor of the Great Ruler and “How to Make the Cuckoo Sing” (An Extra Note)
By the way, the following haiku, which humorously describes the character of the great ruler, is well-known.
Nobunaga (Ruthless): If it doesn’t sing, kill it (the cuckoo).
Hideyoshi (People-pleaser): If it doesn’t sing, make it sing (the cuckoo).
Ieyasu (Patient): If it doesn’t sing, wait until it sings, the cuckoo.
This famous haiku succinctly describes the personalities of Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, and Ieyasu. It appears in the essay collection “Kashiyawa” (Years of War) by Matsuura Seizan, lord of Hirado Domain in Hizen Province during the Edo period.
The “silent cuckoo” is a metaphor for those who stand in the way of unifying the country.